The Angry Video Game Nerd Quotes

“! Ass! [pause] Hole? Assh**”

“Wikipedia: The Angry Video Game Nerd”

“! [sarcastically] Television makes a lot of "sense".
The Nerd: [after playing 35 of the 52 games] I've lost all hope. 52 games, they all probably suck. I can think of some pretty bad games. Like Little Red Hood. That's a horrible game. But at least it's one horrible game! Not 52! You know what's more fun than Action 52? 52 Card Pickup. You know how you play that? [drops a deck of 52 playing cards on the floor] Pick up the cards!
The Nerd: Number 36, "Storm over the Desert." Ooh, another title screen! So, you're an army tank, shooting at other army tanks... which happen to be pink. Also, there's no way to die. Anything you touch will explode. Those pink tanks are fuckin' pussies. [a giant Saddam Hussein runs across the screen] What the hell?! A giant Saddam Hussein? How'd they fuck up the scale this bad? The soldiers aren't giant, so why's Saddam?
The Nerd: [playing the 48th game, Time Warp Tickers] You're a pair of fingers in checkerboard-land with upside-down doors. What kind of drugs were they on? Was this game even made by a human being? "Time?"? When you kill things, it says "Time?"? What does that mean? Time to play another fuckin' game?
The Nerd: [after playing 51 of the 52 games] I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SOLD THIS SHITFEST FOR $199! That's about how much it costs for a video game console, pretty much. You can take $199, stand on a bridge and just throw it all away! You'd rather do anything than spend it on a broken-down dysfunctional disaster of video game programming! With games that crash, hideous jumping control, random characters, microscopic sprites, a marathon of mediocre space shooters, dying in midair, problems with proportion, misleading titles, misleading power-ups, embarrassing weapons, seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, games you can't win, games you can't lose, games that make no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuck-ton of other things! It should've been illegal for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price! I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude! Couldn't they have tried making one good game, as opposed to 52 horrible games? Quality over quantity. That's our lesson here. [drinks Rolling Rock] Well, there's only one game left so it has one last chance to redeem itself. Could this all be the effort went into? Could there be a cherry on top of the shit sundae? We can only hope. [begins playing the 52nd game as the credits roll]”