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Larry the Cable Guy Quotes (1963-)

Actor
Larry the Cable Guy

About Larry the Cable Guy

Daniel Lawrence Whitney (born February 17, 1963), better known by the stage name Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He is one of the co-stars of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also includes Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron White, with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV.

Best Larry the Cable Guy Quotes

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Explore our curated collection of the most famous and impactful Larry the Cable Guy quotes.

“Do you get so drunk you hump a cupholder?”
cupholderdrunkhump
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“I was madder then a mosquito in a mannequin factory.”
Larry the Cable Guy
mannequinmosquitofactory
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“OJ isn't going to jail — he just changed his name to BJ.”
changedgoingmdash
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“I was madder than a Keebler elf getting demoted to fudge-packer.”
fudgepackerkeeblergetting
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“Cheney shot his buddy in the face. Clinton shot his intern in the face.”
shotfaceclinton
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“That was scarier than Richard Simmons chasin' after you with a box of rubbers!”
scarierrichardsimmons
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“You can always tell when gas is expensive. You always see street gangs doing walk-bys.”
alwaysexpensivewalkbys
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“I was madder than a quadriplegic with a stack of scratch-off tickets, I'll tell you what.”
quadriplegicscratchofftickets
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“Them [gas] prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the Los Lobos concert.”
Larry the Cable Guy
mexicansconcertprices
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“I was madder than a pervert with palsy trying to open up a condom wrapper, I'll tell you what.”
pervertwrappermadder
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“Had a buddy of mine caught a rainbow trout, and threw it back. He said he didn't want a gay fish.”
rainbowcaughtbuddy
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“Do deaf people have alarm clocks? I asked a deaf guy that one time, the sumbitch just stared at me.”
deafsumbitchclocks
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“At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...”
pregnantthrowingrealize
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“Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?”
newspapersupposeddiaper
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“[In reference to Playstation Football] Here's an idea! Why don't they make a button that says frickin' "pass"!”
Larry the Cable Guy
playstationreferencefootball
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“Boy I tell you what, if I were a girl, I'd never shave! I'd look like I'm smuggling around Chewbacca in my underbritches!”
underbritchessmugglingchewbacca
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“I went to the Talladega 500 with a girl I had just met. She was very sweet with childlike qualities. No titties! (p. 113).”
talladegachildlikequalities
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“If you're in a Gay Mafia and you get whacked, is that good or bad? [high-pitched voice] Say hello to my little friend.”
highpitchedwhackedlittle
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“I'll tell ya the one thing you don't wanna buy at the dollar store - toilet paper. (laughs) I might as well have just used the dollar.”
Larry the Cable Guy
dollartoiletlaughs
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“That show Biggest Loser is a dumb show. If I wanted to see fat people struggle with their weight, I'd go to my family reunion!”
showstrugglebiggest
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“I used to be a bitch. I met her at Hooters. She didn't have big boobs, but she could turn her head in a circle just like an owl. (p. 2).”
hooterscirclebitch
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“Have you noticed lately how video games are getting way more sexually explicit and violent? I really gotta buy me one of them games! (p. 197).”
gamessexuallyexplicit
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“My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.”
alrightdoctorlittle
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“I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, "Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!"”
countincousinupsets
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“Did you hear about the high school football coach who got in trouble for letting his players have sex with his wife? How does that work? "Robinson! Get in there!"”
Larry the Cable Guy
footballrobinsontrouble
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About Larry the Cable Guy

Daniel Lawrence Whitney (born February 17, 1963), better known by the stage name Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He is one of the co-stars of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also includes Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron White, with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV.