Jack Handey Quotes (1949-)


About Jack Handey

Jack Handey (born 25 February 1949) is an American humorist. He is most famous for his Deep Thoughts, a large corpus of surrealistic one-liner jokes. Deep Thoughts were first seen in small comedy magazine Army Man Comics edited by George Meyer and continued in National Lampoon in 1984 though gained popularity when they were read on Saturday Night Live beginning in 1991.

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Explore our curated collection of the most famous and impactful Jack Handey quotes.

“It takes a big man to cry, but it takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.”
Jack Handey
“IF YOU ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.”
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.”
Jack Handey
“I guess we were kinda poor when we were kids, but we didn't know it. That's because my dad always refused to let us look at the family's financial records.”

Jack Handey Quotes by Topic

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Jack Handey on Key

“If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.”
Jack Handey

Jack Handey on War

“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.”
Jack Handey

Jack Handey on Embarrassment

“I bet when neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, 'Don't forget the thick, heavy brows.' Then they would get all embarrassed because they remembered they had the big husky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.”
Jack Handey

About Jack Handey

Jack Handey (born 25 February 1949) is an American humorist. He is most famous for his Deep Thoughts, a large corpus of surrealistic one-liner jokes. Deep Thoughts were first seen in small comedy magazine Army Man Comics edited by George Meyer and continued in National Lampoon in 1984 though gained popularity when they were read on Saturday Night Live beginning in 1991.