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George Carlin Quotes (1937-2008)
Actor, Author, Singer
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About George Carlin
George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects.
Best George Carlin Quotes
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Explore our curated collection of the most famous and impactful George Carlin quotes.
“Try explaining Hitler to a kid.”
“If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.”
“Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Ephraim Zimbalist Jr. (243)”
“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”
“"Undisputed heavyweight champion." Well, if it's undisputed, what's all the fighting about?”
George Carlin Quotes by Topic
Find exactly what you are looking for by browsing this categorized list of George Carlin quotes by topic.
George Carlin on Abortion 3 quotes
“Catholics and other Christians are against abortions and they're against homosexuals. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? Leave these fucking people alone for Christ's sake! Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion! And the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside... You'd think they'd make natural allies.”
George Carlin on Prayer 2 quotes
“Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy will be done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His will? It's all very confusing.”
George Carlin on Irreligiousness
“Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
George Carlin on Cynicism
“If you scratch a cynic, you will find a disappointed idealist.”
George Carlin on Slavery in the United States
George Carlin on Circles
“If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.”
George Carlin on Dance
“If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.”
George Carlin on Illusion
George Carlin on Masturbation
“If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would've made our arms shorter.”
George Carlin on United States
George Carlin on Life
“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.”
What George Carlin Said About Others
Discover personal opinions George Carlin shared regarding contemporaries.
George Carlin on Adolf Hitler
“Try explaining Hitler to a kid.”
George Carlin on Women
George Carlin on Dan Quayle
George Carlin on Muhammad Ali
“The big fight is coming up – Ali and Frazier. I call him Muhammad Ali 'cause that's what he wants. Oh, yeah, he's a big dude and he hits hard, you know, I'll call him what he wants. But it's good that he's being allowed to work again, as you know he couldn't work for three years. Of course, he had a strange job, beating people up. But that was his right, he could have that job. The government wanted him to change jobs. The government wanted him to kill people. He thought it over and he said: "No, that's where I draw the line. Uh, I'll beat 'em up, but I don't wanna kill 'em." And the government told him: "Well, if you won't kill 'em, we won't let ya beat 'em up!"”
Quotes About George Carlin
Gain deeper perspective through quotes about George Carlin from others.
Amy Goodman on George Carlin
“Carlin had a career as a stand-up comic that spanned a half-century, in which he continually broke new ground, targeting those in power with his wit and genius. He impacted our culture, our media and our nation with a stream of material that skewered institutions of the left and right, from government to business and the church...George Carlin pointed out what in our society was truly indecent: the behavior of the powerful. Yes, he spiced his delivery with expletives. He was angry. He, like Pacifica, gave voice to essential, dissident perspectives that have been almost entirely blocked from mainstream media.”
Misattributed Quotes
Quotes mistakenly credited to George Carlin
“The Paradox of Our Time is one of many stories that has been forwarded around the internet and attributed to Carlin, but is actually by Bob Moorehead.”
“I am a Bad American is another mass-forwarded internet message often attributed to George Carlin, but was not written by him.”
“"I want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions – central heating, room service on tap, and then... You finish off as an orgasm."”
“"Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body"”
“Various lists of humorous one-liners were forwarded through email in the 1990s, falsely attributed to George Carlin. Some of these one-liners included:”
About George Carlin
George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects.