Ambrose Bierce on Pork
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βLITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.β
βPIG, n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.β
βTRICHNOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician, who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis, but tactfully gave it another name. "You need an immediate change of diet," he said; "you must eat six ounces of pork every other day.""Pork?" shrieked the patientβ"pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!""Do you mean that?" the doctor gravely asked."I swear it!""Good!βthen I will undertake to cure you."β