Mitch Hedberg Quotes 1–30 of 99 Quotes

Mitch Hedberg (24 February 1968 – 30 March 2005) was an American stand-up comic known for his odd subject matter, subdued delivery and memorable routines that often consisted of a string of one-line non sequiturs.

Below are 30 of 99 sourced Mitch Hedberg quotes. Sources and related information appear under each quote. Use the 'Cite this quote' link to get citation references.

“I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall, I knew he wanted me to turn my music down, and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... So when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I don't know if you have a door on your side, but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#1

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#1

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#1

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#1

Quote source: Comedy Central Presents, S01E06: Mitch Hedberg (5 January 1999)

“I went to the store and bought eight apples. The clerk said, "Do you want me to put them in a bag?" I said, "Oh no, man, I juggle. But I can only juggle eight. If I'm ever here buying nine apples, bag 'em up!"”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#2

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#2

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#2

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#2

Quote source: Just For Laughs gala, Hedberg's final Just For Laughs performance (2004)

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut; I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...oh, wait it's at home...in the file...under 'D', for doughnut."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#3

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#3

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#3

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#3

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#4

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#4

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#4

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I am not addicted to gambling although I am addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#5

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#5

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#5

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#5

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“You know they call corn-on-the-cob "corn-on-the-cob," right? But that's how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that "corn", and they should call every other version "corn-off-the-cob." It's not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm "Mitch", but then reattach it and call it "Mitch-all-together."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#6

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#6

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#6

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#6

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I bought a pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#7

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#7

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#7

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#7

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#8

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#8

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#8

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#8

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I hope the next time I move I get a real easy phone number, something that's real easy to remember. Something like two two two two two two two. I would say "Sweet." And then people would say "Mitch, how do I get a hold of you?" I'd say "Just press two for a while and when I answer, you will know you have pressed two enough."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#9

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#9

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#9

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

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“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so … yeah".”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#11

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#11

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#11

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#11

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“This is what my friend said to me; he said "You know what I like? Mashed potatoes." It's like, "Dude. you gotta give me time to guess. If you're gonna quiz me, you must insert a pause in there."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#12

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#12

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#12

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#12

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“A guy told me he liked cherries... But... I waited to see if he was gonna say tomato... Before I realized he likes cherries just... All right, that joke is ridiculous. That's like a carbon copy of the previous joke but with different ingredients. I don't know what I was trying to pull off there.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#13

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#13

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#13

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#13

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier'n helpin' 'em move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#14

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#14

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#14

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#14

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say "I'm gonna go shave, too."”

— Mitch Hedberg

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For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#15

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#15

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#15

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#15

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#16

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#16

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#16

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#16

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I never joined the army because "at ease" never seemed that easy to me. It seemed rather uptight, still. I do not relax by putting my arms behind my back and parting my legs slightly, that does not equal ease to me. At ease is not being in the military. I'm eased bro, cause I'm not in the military.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#17

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#17

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#17

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#17

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“My friend said to me "I think the weather's trippy." I said "No, man, it's not the weather that's trippy, perhaps it is the way that we perceive it that is indeed trippy." Then I thought "Man, I should have just said 'Yeah.'"”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#18

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#18

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#18

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#18

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I dressed up for the CD.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#19

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#19

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#19

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#19

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

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“I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#21

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#21

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#21

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#21

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music", as if there is any other way you can take it in. You're not special, that's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it but it did not work.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#22

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#22

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#22

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#22

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#23

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#23

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#23

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#23

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.”

— Mitch Hedberg

Cite This Quote

Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#24

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#24

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#24

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#24

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#25

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#25

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#25

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#25

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... What's it look like? "”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#26

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#26

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#26

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#26

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I've always wanted a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist... Alright.”

— Mitch Hedberg

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Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#27

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#27

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#27

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#27

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I like vending machines 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at a store, oftentimes, I will drop it... So that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.”

— Mitch Hedberg

Cite This Quote

Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#28

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#28

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#28

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#28

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

“I was at the airport a while back and some guy said "Hey man, I saw you on TV last night." But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said "Dude! I saw you at the airport... About a minute ago... And you were good."”

— Mitch Hedberg

Cite This Quote

Use the following citations in bold to cite the above quote for reference purposes. To cite multiple quotes, use the cite this page section below.

For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#29

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#29

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#29

Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html#29

Source: Strategic Grill Locations

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For general use. A combination of the APA, Chicago and MLA citation styles.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html

Use APA (American Psychological Association) for education, psychology, and the sciences.

Hedberg, Mitch (2021, August 5) Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes. Retrieved from https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html

Use Chicago style for business, fine arts, and history.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 5 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html

MLA Citation: Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.

Hedberg, Mitch. “Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 1–30 of 99 Quotes.” Last modified August 5, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mitch-Hedberg-quotes.html

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