Mark Twain Quotes 181–210 of 328 Quotes
Below are 30 of 328 sourced Mark Twain quotes. Sources and related information appear under each quote. Use the 'Cite this quote' link to get citation references.
“In estimating worldly values the Jew is not shallow, but deep. With precocious wisdom he found out in the morning of time that some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and that over these ideals they dispute and cannot unite--but that they all worship money; so he made it the end and aim of his life to get it. The cost to him has been heavy; his success has made the whole human race his enemy...”
— Mark Twain
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Source: Concerning the Jews (Harper's Magazine, Sept. 1899)
“If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be heard of, but he is heard of, has always been heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names in literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers. He has made a marvellous fight in the world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be excused for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what he always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality?”
— Mark Twain
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Source: Concerning the Jews (Harper's Magazine, Sept. 1899)
“The best of us would rather be popular than right. The manuscript from which this was taken was written and edited from 1902 to 1908. See: Mark Twain Project, Ed., No. 44, the Mysterious Stranger: Being an Ancient Tale Found in a Jug and Freely Translated from the Jug (University of California Press, 1982), p. 26. Often reported as:”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: No. 44, the Mysterious Stranger (unpublished manuscript written 1902–1908) Everybody's private motto: It's better to be popular than right.
“As an active privilege, [free speech] ranks with the privilege of committing murder: we may exercise it if we are willing to take the consequences. Murder is forbidden both in form and in fact; free speech is granted in form but forbidden in fact. By the common estimate both are crimes, and are held in deep odium by all civilized peoples. Murder is sometimes punished, free speech always.”
— Mark Twain
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Source: "The Privilege of the Grave" (1905): (Published in 2010, the author having requested it not be published until 100 years after his death.)
“An unpopular opinion concerning politics or religion lies concealed in the breast of every man; in many cases not only one sample, but several. The more intelligent the man, the larger the freightage of this kind of opinions he carries, and keeps to himself.”
— Mark Twain
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Source: "The Privilege of the Grave" (1905): (Published in 2010, the author having requested it not be published until 100 years after his death.)
““[W]e consciously or unconsciously pay more attention to tuning our opinions to our neighbor’s pitch and preserving his approval than we do to examining the opinions searchingly and seeing to it that they are right and sound.”
— Mark Twain
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Source: "The Privilege of the Grave" (1905): (Published in 2010, the author having requested it not be published until 100 years after his death.)
“He says every man is a moon and has a side which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it.Google Books link”
— Mark Twain
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Source: The Refuge of the Derelicts (unpublished manuscript written 1905–1906)
“It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: What Is Man? (1906) Ch. 6
“It may be called the Master Passion—the hunger for Self-Approval.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 4 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#9
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Quote source: What Is Man? (1906) Ch. 6
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“But the truth is, that when a Library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me.”
— Mark Twain
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Source: Letter to Mrs. F. G. Whitmore (February 7, 1907)
“Citizenship? We have none! In place of it we teach patriotism which Samuel Johnson said a hundred and forty or a hundred and fifty years ago was the last refuge of the scoundrel -- and I believe that he was right. I remember when I was a boy and I heard repeated time and time again the phrase, 'My country, right or wrong, my country!' How absolutely absurd is such an idea. How absolutely absurd to teach this idea to the youth of the country.”
— Mark Twain
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Source: True Citizenship at the Children's Theater 1907
“This last summer, when I was on my way back to Vienna from the Appetite-Cure in the mountains, I fell over a cliff in the twilight, and broke some arms and legs and one thing or another, and by good luck was found by some peasants who had lost an ass, and they carried me to the nearest habitation, which was one of those large, low, thatch-roofed farm-houses, with apartments in the garret for the family, and a cunning little porch under the deep gable decorated with boxes of bright colored flowers and cats; on the ground floor a large and light sitting-room, separated from the milch-cattle apartment by a partition; and in the front yard rose stately and fine the wealth and pride of the house, the manure-pile. That sentence is Germanic, and shows that I am acquiring that sort of mastery of the art and spirit of the language which enables a man to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: Christian Science (1907): Online at gutenberg.org Book I, Ch. 1
“No one doubts—certainly not I—that the mind exercises a powerful influence over the body. From the beginning of time, the sorcerer, the interpreter of dreams, the fortune-teller, the charlatan, the quack, the wild medicine-man, the educated physician, the mesmerist, and the hypnotist have made use of the client's imagination to help them in their work. They have all recognized the potency and availability of that force. Physicians cure many patients with a bread pill; they know that where the disease is only a fancy, the patient's confidence in the doctor will make the bread pill effective.”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: Christian Science (1907): Online at gutenberg.org Book I, Ch. 4
“When I was a boy a farmer's wife who lived five miles from our village had great fame as a faith-doctor—that was what she called herself. Sufferers came to her from all around, and she laid her hand upon them and said, "Have faith—it is all that is necessary," and they went away well of their ailments. She was not a religious woman, and pretended to no occult powers. She said that the patient's faith in her did the work. Several times I saw her make immediate cures of severe toothaches. My mother was the patient. In Austria there is a peasant who drives a great trade in this sort of industry, and has both the high and the low for patients. He gets into prison every now and then for practising without a diploma, but his business is as brisk as ever when he gets out, for his work is unquestionably successful and keeps his reputation high. In Bavaria there is a man who performed so many great cures that he had to retire from his profession of stage-carpentering in order to meet the demand of his constantly increasing body of customers. He goes on from year to year doing his miracles, and has become very rich. He pretends to no religious helps, no supernatural aids, but thinks there is something in his make-up which inspires the confidence of his patients, and that it is this confidence which does the work, and not some mysterious power issuing from himself.”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: Christian Science (1907): Online at gutenberg.org Ch. 4
“Within the last quarter of a century, in America, several sects of curers have appeared under various names and have done notable things in the way of healing ailments without the use of medicines. There are the Mind Cure, the Faith Cure, the Prayer Cure, the Mental Science Cure, and the Christian-Science Cure; and apparently they all do their miracles with the same old, powerful instrument—the patient's imagination. Differing names, but no difference in the process. But they do not give that instrument the credit; each sect claims that its way differs from the ways of the others. They all achieve some cures, there is no question about it; and the Faith Cure and the Prayer Cure probably do no harm when they do no good, since they do not forbid the patient to help out the cure with medicines if he wants to; but the others bar medicines, and claim ability to cure every conceivable human ailment through the application of their mental forces alone. There would seem to be an element of danger here. It has the look of claiming too much, I think. Public confidence would probably be increased if less were claimed.”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: Christian Science (1907): Online at gutenberg.org Book I, Ch. 4
“When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane. I cannot prove to him that he is insane, because you never can prove anything to a lunatic — for that is a part of his insanity and the evidence of it. He cannot prove to me that I am insane, for my mind has the same defect that afflicts his. All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the Republicans and Mugwumps know it. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats and Mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#17
Quote source: Christian Science (1907): Online at gutenberg.org Book I, Ch. 5
“The power which a man's imagination has over his body to heal it or make it sick is a force which none of us is born without. The first man had it, the last one will possess it. If left to himself, a man is most likely to use only the mischievous half of the force—the half which invents imaginary ailments for him and cultivates them; and if he is one of these—very wise people, he is quite likely to scoff at the beneficent half of the force and deny its existence. And so, to heal or help that man, two imaginations are required: his own and some outsider's. The outsider, B, must imagine that his incantations are the healing-power that is curing A, and A must imagine that this is so. I think it is not so, at all; but no matter, the cure is effected, and that is the main thing. The outsider's work is unquestionably valuable; so valuable that it may fairly be likened to the essential work performed by the engineer when he handles the throttle and turns on the steam; the actual power is lodged exclusively in the engine, but if the engine were left alone it would never start of itself. Whether the engineer be named Jim, or Bob, or Tom, it is all one—his services are necessary, and he is entitled to such wage as he can get you to pay. Whether he be named Christian Scientist, or Mental Scientist, or Mind Curist, or King's-Evil Expert, or Hypnotist, it is all one; he is merely the Engineer; he simply turns on the same old steam and the engine does the whole work.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#18
Quote source: Christian Science (1907): Online at gutenberg.org Book I, Ch. 8
“Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all. The conscientious historian will correct these defects."”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#19
More on this quote: A Horse's Tale (1907) Acknowledgements
• Twain does not quote Herodotus here, he only sums up what he believes to have been Herodotus' approach to the writing of history. Nevertheless, this apocryphal statement is now often quoted as being the very words of Herodotus.
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“When Adam ate the apple in the Garden and learned how to multiply and replenish, the other animals learned the Art, too, by watching Adam. It was cunning of them, it was neat; for they got all that was worth having out of the apple without tasting it and afflicting themselves with the disastrous Moral Sense, the parent of all the immoralities.”
— Mark Twain
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Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, Letters from the Earth (1909):
see Wikipedia:Letters from the Earth: although Twain wrote the essays in the book from 1904-1909, they were private and unpublished until 1962)
“The law of God, as quite plainly expressed in woman's construction, is this: There shall be no limit put upon your intercourse with the other sex sexually, at any time of life.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#22
Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, Letters from the Earth (1909):
see Wikipedia:Letters from the Earth: although Twain wrote the essays in the book from 1904-1909, they were private and unpublished until 1962)
“Solomon, who was one of the Deity's favorites, had a copulation cabinet composed of seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. To save his life he could not have kept two of these young creatures satisfactorily refreshed, even if he had fifteen experts to help him. Necessarily almost the entire thousand had to go hungry for years and years on a stretch. Conceive of a man hardhearted enough to look daily upon all that suffering and not be moved to mitigate it.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#23
Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, Letters from the Earth (1909):
see Wikipedia:Letters from the Earth: although Twain wrote the essays in the book from 1904-1909, they were private and unpublished until 1962)
“There has never been a just one, never an honorable one — on the part of the instigator of the war. I can see a million years ahead, and this rule will never change in so many as half a dozen instances. The loud little handful — as usual — will shout for the war. The pulpit will — warily and cautiously — object — at first; the great, big, dull bulk of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes and try to make out why there should be a war, and will say, earnestly and indignantly, "It is unjust and dishonorable, and there is no necessity for it." Then the handful will shout louder. A few fair men on the other side will argue and reason against the war with speech and pen, and at first will have a hearing and be applauded; but it will not last long; those others will outshout them, and presently the anti-war audiences will thin out and lose popularity. Before long you will see this curious thing: the speakers stoned from the platform, and free speech strangled by hordes of furious men who in their secret hearts are still at one with those stoned speakers — as earlier — but do not dare to say so. And now the whole nation — pulpit and all — will take up the war-cry, and shout itself hoarse, and mob any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and presently such mouths will cease to open. Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.”
— Mark Twain
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Quote source: The Mysterious Stranger (1916):
Online text originally in The Chronicle of Satan (1905)
“Only laughter can blow [a colossal humbug] to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#25
Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, The Mysterious Stranger (1916):
Online text)
“A God who could make good children as easily as bad, yet preferred to make bad ones; who could have made every one of them happy, yet never made a single happy one; who made them prize their bitter life, yet stingily cut it short; who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it; who gave his angels painless lives, yet cursed his other children with biting miseries and maladies of mind and body; who mouths justice, and invented hell — mouths mercy, and invented hell — mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness multiplied by seventy times seven, and invented hell; who mouths morals to other people, and has none himself; who frowns upon crimes, yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon himself; and finally, with altogether divine obtuseness, invites his poor abused slave to worship him!”
— Mark Twain
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Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, The Mysterious Stranger (1916):
Online text)
“There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a Dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And You are but a Thought — a vagrant Thought, a useless Thought, a homeless Thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#27
Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, The Mysterious Stranger (1916):
Online text)
“The bicycle had what is called the 'wabbles', and had them very badly. In order to keep my position, a good many things were required of me, and in every instance the thing required was against nature. Against nature, but not against the laws of nature.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 4 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#28
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#28
Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, "Taming the Bicycle" (1917):
What is Man? and Other Essays)
“Try as you may, you don't get down as you would from a horse, you get down as you would from a house afire. You make a spectacle of yourself every time.”
— Mark Twain
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” QuotesCosmos.com, edited by QuotesCosmos, 4 August 2021, https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#29
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Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html#29
Source: • Source: Wikiquote: "Mark Twain" (Quotes, "Taming the Bicycle" (1917):
What is Man? and Other Essays)
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MLA Citation: Use MLA (Modern Language Association) style for the humanities, especially language and literature.
Twain, Mark. “Mark Twain Quotes: 181–210 of 328 Quotes.” Last modified August 4, 2021. https://www.quotescosmos.com/people/Mark-Twain-quotes-7.html