Billy Connolly Quotes

21 Quotes Sorted by Search Results (Descending)

About Billy Connolly

Billy Connolly (born 24 November 1942) is a Comedian, Musician, Presenter, and Actor. He is sometimes known, especially in his native Scotland, by the nickname "The Big Yin" ("The Big One", a reference to his 6' height).

Born: November 24th, 1942

Categories: Comedians, Scots, Living people, Atheists

Quotes: 21 sourced quotes total

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Words (count)236 - 48
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, "Did you fall?" He said, "No, I'm tryin' to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket."
You said, "If you're ever in Los Angeles we must have dinner"- well, he's here. That's not an invitation! Translated, it means: "You're a boring piece of shit, I'm off, I've had enough of you!"
They should all join the Brothers of the Beige- "The Beige Sisters of Premenstrual Agony."
Don't vote, it just encourages them.
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time and you'll have the time of your life.
My wife said "I want to sell the house and buy a yacht". I said "What!? You do realise I live here? Comedian, Scottish guy. There's 3 kids over there, each have their own rooms. C'mon, I'll show you, they live here too."
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
You've made a happy man very old.
The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things... after the weather.
Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
The working classes, the ones they refer to in those political programmes as "the ordinary people"
Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're bastards, and they do it on purpose.
(To audience members who were arriving late) You haven't missed a thing, I was just killing time 'til you got here.
Recently, I turned 60... and even more recently, I turned 62. That was a bastard, I don't even remember the 61.
I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
There's nothing better than a fight, especially when you're watching it from a safe place. You can yell encouragement! Hit him with the left, he's a big Jessie!
My advice to you, if you want to lose a bit of weight: don't eat anything that comes in a bucket. Buckets are the kitchen utensils of the farmyard.
I hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing, so get yourself a sexy raincoat and live a little.
I leave you with a complaint. Now, the country is in a terrible state, and you've blamed it on a number of things: Unemployment rate, the value of the pound and all that... well, it's because the national anthem is boring.
That man (Ronald Reagan, who was President of the USA at the time), he sits at that desk in the White House, and the button is there that can end the world: BOOM! My father's younger than him and we don't give him the controls for the television!
People die all the time. It's just that you're not around.

End Billy Connolly Quotes